Amanda Bearse

My mother took me to a psychiatrist when I was fifteen because she thought I was a latent homosexual. There was nothing latent about it.

The most important political step that any gay man or lesbian can take is to come out of the closet. Its been proven that it is easier to hate us and to fear us if you cant see us.

Marcy D'Arcy

Marcy: Its just that I can hardly believe that I'm now Mrs

[Stalls, and turns towards Jefferson]

Marcy: Darling. Whats your last name?

Jefferson: D'Arcy

Marcy: [Turn slowly back towards Peggy] Marcy D'Arcy Im now MARCY DARCY! What have I done? Maybe I should start wearing little dresses with dots on them.


Marcy: All I know is I woke up this morning with a man in my bed. I don't even know who he is.

Al: Well, thats easy, he slept with you, he's the stupidest man on earth.


Marcy: Al, you know what the difference is between Steves mother and a bowling ball? A bowling ball doesnt have a beard!

Steve: Its one hair. One hair doesn’t equal a beard.

Marcy: It is if its six inches long and shaped like the letter V.


Al: Someone stole my Dodge.

Marcy: Well its your own fault for leaving it out front on garbage day. I'll bet somebody took it to start a new limousine service. You know, for those people who cant quite afford the luxury of Greyhound.


Marcy: I do remember my first apartment. My roommate and I were both single, both bursting with ripe, flowering womanhood. The sexual revolution was in full swing and we were a-happening.

Peggy: Wow. I'll bet you were having sex all the time.

Marcy: No, that cheap slut of a roommate stole all my boyfriends. Ive never forgiven Mom for that.


Kelly: Help us!

Marcy: I cant, Im a Republican.


Marcy: Can you please tell me what a womans body has to do with selling beer?

Al: Pretty women makes us BUY beer. Ugly women makes us DRINK beer.


Marcy: Come upstairs and try to last longer than a new Fox sitcom.